My Higher Power is John Stamos
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
