it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
