forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
