My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
