I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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