I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
