i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
