my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
