proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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