My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
