I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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