Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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