weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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