Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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