You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
