My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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