I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
