You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
