You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
