My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
