he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
