i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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