I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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