hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
