life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
