So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no you cant smoke seaweed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
