how can u be prego again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
