we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
