Whatcha textin bout Willis?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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