So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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