so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
