u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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