I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
