I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My liver just had a heart attack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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