I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
