your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
