ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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