i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
