I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
