Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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