He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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