That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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