you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
