going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
