I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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