Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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