I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
