Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this will be a night to untag.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
