some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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