so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
