oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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