the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
