I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
