Tell her she can't have a vagina
my being single is dangerous.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
