Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
