nut hugger
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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