the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you never un-have a 4some
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
